yesterday was the worst birthday of my life. If I could have died yesterday I could say easily that I had a great one... except I hate pushing against my mother in law. IF I SAY I AM MAKING MY GOD DAMN BIRTHDAY CAKE I AM GOING TO MAKE MY GOD DAMN BIRTHDAY CAKE. after trying for a few times, ruining our chocolate mousse and about the only thing going right was making the whip cream then you know it was bad.

IT'S MY GOD DAMN BIRTHDAY. I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF YOU GUYS BUYING THESE GOD DAMN CAKERY BAKERY... EVEN THE NAME IS GAY... WHEN I CAN'T EVEN EAT THAT SHIT AND I AM TOLD "OH JUST THIS ONCE..." I couldn't take it much longer. I was in pain and no one looked like they were even remotely interested in helping me out. I drove down to Santa monica the other day and now I know I can not drive if it's longer than 15 minutes. So we have to be there by 7:30. WE could have hung out for twenty more minutes... afterall IT'S MY GOD DAMN BIRTHDAY AND I HATE BEING RUSHED. So naturally since Josh was on top of me go go go we got everything and went.

the god damn cake fell. "can't you wait until after dinner to do this." IT'S MY GOD DAMN BIRTHDAY YOU OLD WITCH. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU WANT TO WORRY OVER CASSIUS OR DO THIS OR THAT SHIT I WANT TO DO WHAT THE FUCK I WANT TO DO. I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE WE HAVE ANOTHER CAKE TO MAKE UP FOR IT. BUT THE FUCKING WITCH WENT AND GOD ONE OF THOSE GOD DAMN CAKERY BAKERY CAKES AND I CAN'T FUCKING EAT IT AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN GIVE A FLYING FUCK. It's an ooie gooey mess and it pisses her off more and more and more. It's my god damn birthday. I went through hell just to be here. you haven't taken one god damn picture of me because you honestly don't give a fuck and you want MY BIRTHDAY TO GO THE WAY YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU want it. I and not going through what I went through on the most painful day of my life just so you can make me feel like you've got it. I am losing gas. I know my expiration and it wasn't after supper. The mess got worse. Mint and Rasberry on top. Yummy. No place to cool it now. the fucking pan is too big to go in the fridge. Nice. Josh designed it. He sheepishily comes over to me already knowing the answer. tick tock tick tock twenty.... "Um... do you want BOTH cakes to be served." I just want to leave right then. FUCK YOU ALL. I AM SO SICK OF YOU STUFFING YOUR GOD DAMN FACES WITH CAKE I CAN'T EAT. IT HURTS MY GOD DAMN FEELINGS. AND FOR YOU TO BE SO GOD DAMN INSENSITIVE PROVES TO ME HOW YOU ARE COMPLESTELY OFF DOING YOUR SHIT IN YOUR HEAD WHILE I JUST WANT TO LEAVE THIS FUCKING NIGHTMARE. I SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE AT ALL EXCEPT EVERYONE WAS EXPECTING ME AT MY GOD DAMN BIRTHDAY. at first she acted like it was a get together for her and her friends. do you think I wanted to spend my 35th birthday spending time with tahnes friends and family? IS josh such and idiot that he can't throw me a party? Is he too stupid to take me out to a restaurant? He naturally ran out of time to go get me anything. I try to tell him these things weeks in advance and it doesn't matter. I just don't even want to celebrate my real birthday. I am sick of being told how I am going to enjoy my birthday because I never do. I think it's just better to celebrate Cassius's. ding ding ding... you've past your time limit. T - 30 and counting. I stand up to leave not even bothering to open even one present. And now I am too weak to move and in more pain.